Now that I look back it all makes sense. When I was younger, about 16 years old I would say, I took notice of my mother having a couple of close friends. I could never understand this. Why she would want just a couple of friends when there were so many people in this world? It was so weird to me at the time but now as I am 36 years old, a wife, and mother of three of the most amazing kiddies I totally get it.
In my mind I thought the more friends you had the more popular you were, the more you’d fit in, parties you’d get invited too, etc… life just seemed so much better with tons of friends… or was it? Was it really better or more complicated? I guess as a teenager that’s all you really have to think about so…
Throughout the years I had my share of friends, some stood friends, some eventually turned into acquaintances, some of them even enemies. This wasn’t because I was a mean person or we had a falling out… this was because it was a part of growing up. You realize that sometimes you just don’t click with people, you have different interests, different goals. You might like the same people, you might not like the same people, you may disagree with things they do or not have the same goals as they do. You move on… then you get new friends and it’s like an entire whirlwind all over again.
So out of curiosity, I asked my mother… “Why don’t you have any friends? Why just a couple?” and she responded with “You’ll see as you get older, all you need are those really good friends that you can count on one hand.” And of course, as a kid, naive and too cool for my mother, I just rolled my eyes and walked away. It made no sense. But those words stood with me… whenever I had a falling out, whenever things weren’t as they seemed with so-called “friends”, I remembered those exact words.
Now ahead 20 years from when I asked her, I have my share of friends and acquaintances. Those “handful” of friends are the ones that I can call no matter what, the good, the bad and the ugly moments. The questions, the thoughts, the complaints… crying moments, happy moments… the ones that cheer me on as I do them. Those who have really proven to me that no matter how much time goes by, even if we don’t talk for weeks maybe even months, they are there in a drop of a hat. I’m not saying I am the best of friends either, I have my faults but I know who “my people” are. I know who the ones are the I would do anything for and those who I wouldn’t. It’s not that I want to be cruel but in my time of need they weren’t there for me and that sticks with a person. They are now the acquaintances or just people I no longer bother with. They could have a certain type of feeling towards me and that’s fine, everyone has their own people. We could be civil but we will never be what we were ever again. You kind of put them on the back burner and just move along with those “handful of friends”.
“Don’t waste your time and energy on things you can’t change.”