Thinking back now… I can’t believe how much has changed for me in just one year. Never have I ever experienced one like this… 2017 – you have been some year to say the least.
Here it goes:
On New Years Eve it was confirmed that I was having twins. What a way to bring in the new year right?… My husband and I were in complete shock. I mean we knew we were
expecting one and we already had a 1yo so that was no surprise but to find out we were expecting TWO… wow! 3 little ones! For one thing at the time I had tons of different emotions. From the basic hormones (times 2) to the shock of having twins because it never even crossed either one of our minds. We never even considered it as a possibility because they don’t even run in our families nor did we do IVF but we felt so blessed, actually we knew we were blessed. I mean seriously, what are the chances?
The first 3 months, January – March, were a bunch of doctor visits, planning, budgeting, sooooooo many questions running through our minds – What we were going to do? Living arrangements? Will I work or be a SAHM? Let’s just sit here and think about it … we were a current family of 3 and in a couple of months family of 5. Wow!!! But regardless, we were going to do it because god let this happen for a reason. We didn’t know the reason yet because it did seem so overwhelming but hey no time to waste, these little ones were growing. Now it was time to move forward and prepare.
Everything was going smoothly for the next 3 months, April – June… now we were getting excited. Figuring out what we needed, what there names were going to be (we found out we were expecting 2 boys, YAY!), budgeting some more and getting our baby girl ready to be a big sister because we knew the transition for her would be hard enough. Anyways I was just getting bigger by the second and more uncomfortable everyday… everything was going as planned, or so we thought…
It was Mid – June, I literally just had my Baby Sprinkle for the Twins, it was going great for us, we had gotten so many great gifts to help us get ready for the boys. I finally felt like everything was coming together. We didn’t think anything could change our moods and how truly blessed we were…
Then I had gotten a call from my mother. Not the usual daily call my mother and I exchanged, that call that no one ever wants to get … the call that will stick with me for the rest of my life – from my exact location, the time, the weather – my world had stopped instantly… My Father was dying. ( I’m not going to get into it because it is the most horrible thing I have to think about but details on his health history to a point, and the entire situation is in my twin pregnancy post if you care to read.) But wait what? How could this be? My dad was dying, the man who I thought would out live everyone because he was just so strong…. This couldn’t be! But it was… He passed away the exact day I turned 30 weeks pregnant with my boys. My heart hurt.
I don’t know how I got through it, I don’t know how I didn’t go into labor and lord only knows the additional drama I had to go through with family members in the mist of everything. But, I can tell you this much, If I learned anything – I learned that whoever is going to be there for you, has always been. During the good, the bad, the whatever days of your life… whether it’s convenient for them or not they will be there. They will find a way. No excuses, no nothing… and in my heart I believe I had exactly who I needed there for me to get me through this. They never left my side, always checked up on me… Just kept my head above water so I can mourn the loss of my father, be there for my mother and keep these little guys inside for as long as possible. These were the times the I wished I wasn’t the only child because it really sucked not having a sibling there, but I have to say my husband never left my side as well as others. You know who you are!
Now after everything, I had stopped talking to some family members which to me is fine. After this, I was a changed person… there was nothing changing my mind from that day forward about these people. But in all honesty you’d have to care to begin with and I never really did. It may sound harsh but it is what it is. Just because your family doesn’t mean that they will be there for you, people are people… I couldn’t be bothered & neither could they. Family or not they were full of shit and seriously.. ain’t nobody got time for that. Cowards!
Back to more important things – At just about 33 weeks, in July, I was hospitalized due to my pregnancy and was in the hospital for 2 weeks… So that meant no more work for me. Now being in the hospital after losing a parent, while all my hormones were kicking my ass, was probably not the best thing for me mentally because I missed seeing my daughter as much as possible and soaking up every day we had together alone before the boys came. Plus I was still so upset about losing my father and all you have is time to think while you’re there, but physically I needed to be there for the safety of my twins. My liver levels were all over the place so they wanted to monitor me, and run all of these tests. At 35 weeks I was sent home on strict bed rest and at 37 weeks my two princes arrived. I was completely head over heels in love with these little guys since the second I laid eyes on them.
So from August until now – I’ve been home with my 3 beautiful babies and I couldn’t be happier, I still have my moments because its only been 6 months since losing my dad but the truth is… you’re never prepared for the loss of someone. In my heart I truly believe I got pregnant with my twin boys for a reason and maybe losing my father meant something as well with all of this. What if I never had them & my dad passed away? What if it made me depressed into something I couldn’t get out of? OR what if my father was still alive and something happened to me while giving birth, or even the boys?… You just really never know. But I do know this… He is looking out for me, for my little babies and for that he is my guardian angel.
So although if you look at my year in a nutshell: I had one of the hardest losses of my life, I gave birth to two of the most precious boys I could ever ask for who got me through it all… I stopped speaking to family members that were a waste of space in my life & my mind && I’m now lucky enough to be a SAHM and that alone is a true blessing. Also, I have to toot my own horn because hey why not this is my blog but I am killing it as a mom of 3, I think it was my calling because these 3 loves keep me going.
Don’t stress the little things, life is truly too short, use your time wisely on those who are important to you and who are there for you just the same.
PHOTO CREDIT: https://unsplash.com/photos/yTFy8GE9y5g