Well here it goes… it’s bittersweet and you’ll see why:
The plan was to have one more child. We had decided to try again when my daughter turned 1 which was around November 2016. Even though our daughter was still so young, I was 34 at the time and I wasn’t getting any younger. After 35 you become high risk and we just did not want to chance it, not saying anything could go wrong but there’s always that possibility.
By mid-December I was a week late and my pregnancy test was… Positive!!! (that happened very quickly… WOW!) .. I called my OBGYN and scheduled an appointment in 3 weeks, by then I would be 8 weeks and unlike my 1st pregnancy they won’t see you before that just in case… so we waited… UGH! the anticipation…
It was a Saturday afternoon, actually New Year’s Eve, and I just wasn’t feeling well. At first I figured it was a bad case of indigestion. I took some medicine and rested on my couch figuring it would go away, but the pain didn’t ease up. After while I couldn’t take it anymore so my husband took me to first med. They couldn’t see me there because I was pregnant and sent me to the ER… Fantastic! (total sarcasm) I did not want to spend the entire day there but I wasn’t feeling any better so off we went.
When we got to the ER you know the routine, paperwork galore, about 10 different doctors and nurses come in, they poke & probe for blood… lovely. Finally after about 2 hours they had sent me for an ultrasound. Thank god! I was nervous I didn’t have my 8 week appointment yet, the pregnancy wasn’t confirmed, I was just hoping and praying the baby was still there with a heartbeat. After the experience with my 1st pregnancy, that whole situation just stuck with me.
While I was in the room with the ultrasound tech I asked her how everything was looking and she said I would have to wait for the doctor to speak to me. I understood though, she really wasn’t allowed to say anything… She finished the exam and left the room to review what she had done with the radiologist. I was thinking every ‘what if’ possible. Pregnancy is such a blessing but good god is it stressful! So now I’m waiting in the room, numb, just looking around, glancing at my phone trying to keep busy… didn’t really know what to do. I looked up and saw that the monitor was on, they always leave it on and anxiety strikes. I try not to look at those things because lord knows I have no idea what I’m looking at. But of course that day I had nothing else to do so I tried to see if there was a baby in there. Ah to my relief there it was… Yolk Sac A. YES! and…
Yolk Sac B. Wait, What? Does that mean?… No way!! Now I was really at a loss for words…
So at that moment the tech comes back in and tells me I can go back down to the ER and wait for the doctor. I wasn’t going to try to ask her again about anything because she wouldn’t tell me so that was that. I linked up with my husband and as we were waiting, I wasn’t going to say anything at first because I didn’t want him panicking but hey why should I panic alone. Ha! So this is how the conversation went:
My Husband: How’d the test go?
Me: Well you know how they are they won’t tell you anything but I saw the monitor and I saw the baby
My Husband: Ok so that’s a good thing
Me: Yea but I think there were 2 babies in there. I saw Yolk Sac A and Yolk Sac B. I’m pretty sure that means 2.
My Husband: Yea Ok no way… you don’t know what you’re looking at. Lets wait for the doctor
… and that we did.
About 30 minutes later and about 100 times of my husband and I going back and forth saying this isn’t possible, the Doctor finally comes over to us. She said all of my blood work came back good and they were going to release me. I asked her how the ultrasound looked and she said she didn’t get the test back yet but my levels were increased so they weren’t worried. I said to her “can you try to get that test back before I leave because I think I saw 2 babies?” and literally she had the biggest smile. She said “Wow Ok let me go check”. My husband was just sitting there saying “this can’t be, there’s no way” over and over… I wanted to knock him out after while he wouldn’t shut up and I was going through my own thing. I needed to think… I needed silence… I had to get my thoughts together!
Ten minutes later the Doctor came back, glowing and clapping her hands with excitement. She said “guess what? You’re having twins!!”… I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t know whether to laugh because I was right, Ha! I did know what I was looking at, or cry because the emotions are insane.. Not 1 baby but 2!!! I do know I looked over at my husband and thought I’d have to give him my hospital bed. He turned as white as a ghost. Now that I’m thinking back on it, it was pretty funny but in all honesty we were completely in shocked. Happy New Year to us!!
We decided that we would wait for the confirmation from my OBGYN before we fully absorbed this entire thing. Even though I already had the ultrasounds (at the hospital mind you) my husband was not convinced… I was, but I waited for the appointment as well. If it really was true, we were so truly blessed. On that Monday I had to go to the OBGYN for follow-up of the ER visit. It was confirmed… TWINS! My OBGYN was pretty shocked also because I had a natural pregnancy and there weren’t twins on either side.
I can tell you after that the next couple days were a complete blur. We decided to tell our parents because we were that excited… We had gone to my mother-in-laws house first, she was speechless and so happy for us. Then we went to the rehabilitation center/nursing home where my father was, my mom was there too, she went there every single day to hangout with him… with them as well they were in complete shock my dads blood drained from his face and my mothers jaw dropped, at first they all thought we were joking.
After that it was all just settling in with me. I had tons of concerns and mixed emotions. Yes we were so blessed, it was truly a miracle but when you have a multiple pregnancy, right there and then you are considered high risk… Wonderful! More anxiety! I’m 5’1, small built, not the tiniest I could be but how in the hell am I going to carry 2 babies?… my daughter was 9lbs when she was born… this was going to be interesting…
I had my 20 week ultrasound and the babies were looking great. Thank god! We wanted to find out the sex of the babies because 1. we were so excited && 2. so we could prepare. It really didn’t matter what we were having as long as they were healthy but we couldn’t wait… && the tech had seen the plumbing on the outside HaHa 2 Boys AHHHHH! Let the fun begin…
In the next couple of weeks I was definitely starting to realize this pregnancy was nothing like my first. I didn’t have any morning sickness, which was a plus, but I was getting bigger quicker, I was more tired and this time around I was chasing a toddler so that’s exhausting as it is. I couldn’t even see my toes at 4 months… I was huge!! Even though everyone kept saying I looked great for twins, they were taking a toll on my body. Like this wasn’t enough, I had the 3 hour glucose test done around 28 weeks to check for Gestational Diabetes. The test came back borderline, so since I was having multiples they had me go to a nutritionist and check my sugar 4 times a day. Great, like taking 5 different vitamins daily, blowing up every minute, working full-time and still taking care of my daughter wasn’t enough. Now, I had to stick myself with a needle and watch what I ate but thank god that was the worst, my babies were healthy and I wanted to keep them that way. So mommas gotta do whatever works.
Now heres where everything changed for me….
My father had always been dealing with a lot of health issues… he was wheelchair bound, had a nerve disease, diabetic, COPD, open wounds that wouldn’t heal because of the diabetes so he was prone to infections. He was in rehab for about 2 years, since I was about 5 mo pregnant with my daughter, so the nurses could take care of him 24/7 between the open wounds and trying to get his muscles moving again with physical therapy.. It sucked because he was there, no one wants to be in a rehab/nursing home but it was the best thing for him for the time being… we were just hoping he’d be able to come home soon. Now a couple of times while he was in the rehab, he had gotten infections that led him to the hospital. In fact while he was there he developed staph infections as well which can be deadly but thankfully, he recovered. He always bounced back, He was the strongest man I knew. No matter what the issue was, 99% of the time he would always joke around and have his wits about everything. He had his moments, of course… who wouldn’t? but for what he went through that man was my hero.
Then this happened… This moment will forever stay with me…
I was on my way home from work on a Monday afternoon, my dad was in the hospital again for another infection. This time though it seemed like he was in the hospital a little longer than normal but I thought nothing of it. ‘He’ll snap back, he’s strong’ I thought to myself. I called my mother as I do everyday and said “Hey mom. Hows dad? && this was when I knew…. She said “Jenn he’s not doing well”. I could hear it in her voice… that trembling, trying to choke back any emotions that would’ve made things very clear for me. I felt a pit in the middle of my stomach, I burst into tears… My father was dying…
He passed away that Thursday, I was 30 weeks pregnant… I just lost my first love, the best guy I knew… My entire world came crashing down. Never in a million years do you ever want to think of that moment you lose a parent. And if you have lost a parent you know exactly what I’m talking about. Every loss is different, every loss has its own messed up feeling you can’t ever describe. I was pregnant… I was having twins… He was going to have 2 grandsons… Why would he leave us? He didn’t spend enough time with his granddaughter, I needed him, my mother needed him…. Why is this happening? I never imagined having twins let alone having to lose my father while pregnant and it was tough. He really suffered enough, I couldn’t be greedy. A million different thoughts. Someone had said to me ‘maybe this was all meant to be this way, maybe if you weren’t pregnant and your father had passed, you wouldn’t have been so strong but you knew you had to be strong for those boys’… maybe but still, my heart was broken.
After that it seemed like everything went down hill from there … around 33 weeks I was hospitalized for 10 days because my liver enzymes were increased. They had to make sure I didn’t have preeclampsia, so they did every test possible to check for the cause of this. Tons of blood tests, ultrasounds, and an MRI. I was so upset being there. For one thing I was away from my daughter which broke my heart, I was with her all the time and not to be with her was horrible. Plus I was still dealing with the loss of my father… Being in a hospital was just not the place for me but I had to make sure my baby boys were going to be OK and my health as well. The result was cholestasis of pregnancy… now with cholestasis they have to remove the babies at 37 weeks because everyday past that puts the babies at a higher risk of being stillborn. So after 10 days, I was now 35 weeks, I was sent home with medication and a scheduled c-section at exactly 37 weeks. At this point in my pregnancy I was beyond swollen, my legs and feet were so big the doctors and nurses kept saying they’ve never seen anyone like this… Yea, thanks! Just what I needed to hear but anyways I was just really nervous the next 2 weeks from there on. I still had a chance of developing preeclampsia and/or going into labor…
YAYY!!! I made it to 37 weeks and we were off to the hospital. My baby boys came into this world at 10:47am (Paul Evan) && 10:48am (Nicholas James) and we couldn’t have been more grateful that everything went well for both the babies and myself. I was really worried of having complications of some sort due to having multiples and another c-section. But all went well.
The only thing that got me by was knowing that even though my father wasn’t there to meet these baby boys, maybe just maybe I needed him. Maybe I would’ve bleed out, maybe something else would’ve happened that could’ve been fatal for myself or these babies and maybe we needed him as our guardian angel. I say this because as we were about to go home with our new little bundles, my husband went to get the car, I was in the room getting the boys ready. As I was finishing up putting the boys in their car seats I looked out the window and saw a butterfly, very random. It stood there a good 10 seconds then flew off… instantly I got goosebumps, I felt like it was a sign, like that was my father saying he did his job and we were good to go home. Call me crazy, call me whatever you want but I truly feel he was looking out for us.
So this is why this year has been by far one of the best and absolute worst year of my life. Bittersweet to say the least. But one thing I’ve learned is that you should never take anyone for granted, never think they will always be around because anything can happen…
I needed these baby boys and my daughter, they are what got me through all of this && they are what keeps me going. I am truly blessed!
PHOTO CREDIT: https://unsplash.com/photos/MswdfT5x9FQ